More than one story...

We each have more than one story that makes up who we are. Growing up in a broken home, where my mother was a German immigrant, my parents divorced and she remarried an abusive and violent alcoholic, domestic violence became common and familiar to me and part of my story. Somehow, I felt a degree of protective immunity in adolescence, that I was somehow invincible, and that it would never happen to me. This idea got me through, until it did happened to me. You'd think that after growing up in the midst of domestic violence, I would have recognized the signs. But, unfortunately, I didn't, until they became obvious and it was too late to avoid. I was twenty before I learned why that is common, but I blamed myself for allowing it until I began to learn more about it, once I was free from the situation.

One of the benefits of my experiences growing up is that it gave me a desire to help others who were victims of abuse, neglect and violence. During my break with the past, I toured with Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus for one season in 1977. The circumstances which led to my "running away with the circus" were profoundly well timed and orchestrated for this opportunity that fell into my lap. It not only became my way of escape, but a turning point for me where I learned to take a stand and fight to be free.

When I returned to Oklahoma after one season on tour due to family circumstances, I began to work for a non-profit organization that was founded by a couple who had just returned to Oklahoma City from Kampuchea. They were the last Americans to leave Phnom Penh when it fell to the Khmer Rouge. In 1979 until 1984, I worked for them as a personal secretary and assistant. I was responsible for correspondence with the continual flow of mail from the refugee camps, each seeking to find sponsors to relocate in the United States. Some knew the founders personally, Todd and DeAnn Burke, from their time in Phnom Penh, and others had heard of them and their organization. They had spent a few years in Kampuchea and written a book about their experiences there, titled "Anointed for Burial." We also had a large constituency that contributed to their work in the Thai border camps, as well as for those who were associated with their work in Katmandu, Nepal, Calcutta, India and the Philippines.

The Burkes also had two sons, Judson, who was 3 years old and Jeremi, who was 6 months old when we first met. They later had more children, five in all. Their work grew to include many organizations associated with their work in Europe, Canada and Australia. People were coming to their home from all over the world on a continual basis, leaders of organizations and people who wanted to meet them after reading their book and influenced by their work. Todd also traveled extensively from time to time internationally. My job also included living with the family for the first two years, although I had my own separate space, a room built onto the house, like one of the anchorite nuns! But we were basically housemates. I also assisted with the children and many aspects of their daily lives.

Todd was a mentor for me not only for my work experience, but also in seizing the day, and making the most of opportunities in life, sometimes wrestling them from the jaws of the lion, sometimes creating them from thin air, and sometimes by rebuilding on the broken ruins (or 'tels').

I enjoyed my work, especially when I got to be directly involved with the correspondence and relocation of the Khmer people. I was invited to attend two banquets to meet and shake the hand of the President of Free Cambodia (Kampuchea) at the time, President Lon Nol. I also had up to nine Khmer roommates at a time, when they would come to Oklahoma City to relocate. This usually included picking people up from the airport after their flight directly from the Thai border camps, and assisting them with every aspect of their new life in the States; including practical things, such as applying with the Social Security Office for their new Social Security cards, (and yes, they noticed when I got lost driving downtown!), obtaining local state id's, enrolling in ESL classes, looking for jobs, and providing transportation to all the necessary activities. I learned how to shop at the Asian market, for example! I also learned from my roommates how to eat with chop sticks, Asian cooking, some Khmer language and many of their home remedies. We enjoyed many activities together as they adjusted to their new lives in the States.

One of the first families that relocated to Oklahoma City opened their own restaurant, which has been successful now for many years. They had no money when they first arrived, but achieved their goals by working long hours and saving. Some of the families or individuals have married and moved to other cities to reunite with family and friends. (I have included a few photos.)

This last photo is a picture of my mother and step-father. I am happy to say that their lives improved over time and my stepfather stopped drinking. Although things weren't perfect, they were happy together and had one daughter together, my sister Paula.



Its always nice to remember them, their life struggles, their stories, and, as Tom Petty sang, the fact that we don't have to live life like refugees!