Update on my Killer Birthday Party:

Ariele-Carlos

Well, as expected, the day did include a crime scene with yellow tape, just not at a party in the way I had imagined it (in a previous blog)...

I had the day off and at 11am it was time to pick up my daughter from the bus station. She was returning from Dallas where she went the day before to see a killer concert. I was so glad to know she made it on the bus home safely because she was determined to go alone to Dallas this time, and also no one to meet her when she arrived there and she also planned to attend the concert alone. She was hoping to have a chance to see the person she wanted to talk to while she was in Dallas but it never worked out. She left at 4:30 am to take the bus there, after a six hour bus ride wait all day downtown for the concert to begin after only a couple of hours of sleep, then make it back to the bus station after the concert ended at around 1:00am and get on the next bus home which didn't leave Dallas until 6:30 am. Her cell phone died before she made it back, but she finally made it safely back onto the bus.

I arrived downtown near the Union bus station 40 minutes early. The street from the Greyhound station going west two miles is one of the most dangerous areas of town. Many of the homeless men who are addicts and alcoholics congregate there, drink and sometimes fights break out. This morning there was already a crime scene van, several police cars, the coroner's maroon car and all the usual yellow tape. Just then I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number. It was my daughter, "Mom, where are you?" I said, "I'm just getting to the bus station, where are you?" She said she was at a corner down the street from the bus station where she had walked to find a phone. It turned out to be the same corner as the crime scene. I said, "What?! Are you okay? did you know there has been a murder there?" She said no, she didn't see any ambulance. I said, "Didn't you see the crime scene van and the coroner's car?" She said, "No, I just saw some policemen with clip boards and I asked them where I could go to use a phone." I said, "Okay, stay there, I'm at the next corner and I'll be there as soon as I turn around. I just passed the corner where you are." She said, "I'll just walk and meet you down at the McDonald's, it'll be easier." (The street from the corner where she was all the way going toward McDonald's is truly one of the worst streets in town and she wanted to walk through just after a murder.) I said, "DO NOT leave that shop until I get there please... I'm right outside." She didn't understand why it was dangerous and yet she just spent a whole day and night alone in Dallas in the same kind of area of town and her cell phone died before she made it back... I think I'll have that birthday drink now.

Ariele was hungry and although tired she wanted to go with me to our favorite restaurant, Tokyo's, and we had a beautiful and triumphant lunch where she told me all about her adventures and the concert in Dallas. I had their famous box lunch with some chilled Pearl Silver sake in a small glass that fits into a masu, which is a little wooden box. They pour the sake to overflow the glass into the box and when the cup is empty, the extra sake is poured from the box into the cup to end it. It is symbolic for good fortune to overflow in your life to have sake in this traditional way, which I didn't know until they told me later. The lunch was beautiful as I sat basking with the warm sun coming in over my shoulder and the presentation of the meal in an artful display which is always half the fun, and of course I enjoyed the company of my daughter too, even though we were both saying "Oh Crap! you/I just wandered through a crime scene!"

Kids are so precious, with usually good intentions and are so innocent to danger, sometimes oblivious. Life can be so beautiful in its innocence and yet sometimes so ugly and frightening too, some make it through and others are not so fortunate. The person who was killed was once someone's child. I felt fortunate that my daughter made it home safely. She is eighteen and she is determined to do things her own way, which can be good and also frightening for a parent. I have determined to believe for the sake of my sanity that the 40 year old "crack addict" lady who lives under the bridge in Dallas, who befriended her on her way back from the concert to the bus station while she was there was really an angel with a few bruises. Ariele bought the lady breakfast at the bus station in Dallas before coming home, she kept saying that Ariele must be an angel, which made my day.

Ariele was too tired to wait for me to finish my sake, and since I had to drive I didn't get to "end it" in the traditional fashion, but that leaves some extra to share a toast with you to good fortune and the future.

One of my questions at lunch: So, how does an eighteen year old pack for a bus trip to Dallas?
A: "A backpack, a cell phone, iPod with earbuds, a fake mustache, super cool shades, a fairy princess toothbrush, brass knuckles, pepper spray, cigarettes, some cash and I.D., deodorant, "Kaddish" by Allen Ginsberg, Rumi's book, "The Glance" a book by H.R. Giger, and a clean change of clothes." (This alone tells me she's growing up. When she was nine we went to Mexico. After packing her bag for the trip, when we got to our first stop in Mexico I found that she had removed all her clean clothes I packed and replaced them with her favorite toys while I was out of the room. I never thought to check it before we left!)

Mom's last tip for the next Greyhound trip: Don't forget the Billy Bob teeth we got in San Antonio on our trip to Mexico, you never know when that might help you out of a jam.

Ariele's response to my advice:

For Jacob

its not an easy thing to say goodbye the way we did today
though I haven't known you for as long
as others here could say
but how could I forget your smile
your laughter and warm embrace?
how could I close my eyes
without a memory of your kind words and face?
and still you met me at the door
with open arms today
though silently as tears flowed
as I felt the sun extend his rays
while your family and friends all gathered around
to speak their words of love for you
you were only 13 Jake just last month
today was the last day on earth you knew
and I too will miss you Jake, and I will remember you

In loving memory, one of Jake's favorite songs:

Killer Birthday Party_continued:

The experience of Cooper's birthday party will help me when my birthday comes around, which is Nov. 2nd-All Souls Day, but we always celebrate it on Halloween. I think the plans might be to deconstruct a crime scene, i.e. me in a body bag, showing up in the trunk of the car at the club that friends will jump out and rope off near the entrance with yellow tape, "CRIME SCENE - DO NOT ENTER" - one of them will grab the gurney waiting inside to carry my body bag into the club, followed by letting me out of the bag for a staged shoot-out with water blasters filled with colored water that stains and then disappears, along with cap guns, and throwing lots of candy from my body bag once we hit the dance floor and take over the club, permission granted by Kat and the management just before the drag show begins at midnight, along with the best music and dancers. I got thrown out of this club on my last birthday for not having my ID, which I dropped somewhere along the way. William not being there to prevent it can help now by not letting them forget it! If the same bartender throws me out again, at least this time - I did it my way!

Here is the theme song playing at the club by my brother-in-law "DJ Peace" that will start the party:

Killer Birthday Party! (or Birthday Party Killer?)

Cooper
@ Twenty-two

Yesterday was my friend Cooper's 22nd Birthday - a time in life sometimes sparked by hedonism. Things can get complicated when planning a party with/for friends, sometimes things get a little carried away - people can even get carried away - literally!!!

It started with a text at 7am. William decided to throw a party for Cooper and needed some help: (A) I had to cancel my plans with Cooper for dinner and make him think I couldn't make it, and also that none of his friends could be there (ouch, no dinner with Cooper at Chili's?) (B) I had to get Cooper out of the house for the evening, while William (who was supposed to be working late) got things ready for the party, (C) I had to be at William's at 5pm to help him get things ready for the party, and (D) yes, there was (D), we had to go on a run to pick up people for the party and then get a few necessary things, a cake or two, drinks, balloons, and handcuffs?!

William, who would not take no for an answer, even if he had to get a little carried away, determined to get Cooper's friend Corey out of his house and get him to the party. As soon as Cory opened the door, William picked him up to carry him outside before he knew what's up. After some encouragement he agreed to go with us, and we picked up a few more people on the way who needed a ride (and a little encouragement) to get to the party, along with my daughter, Ariele. Other friends also showed up. Luckily, Cooper's friend and band mate, Ben, called just in time to get Cooper out of the house and they went to meet his mom for dinner at Chili's while we came back to get things ready.

By the time Cooper showed up again with Ben everything was ready. William met Cooper outside and talked with him privately, then managed to get him handcuffed to the lamppost in the front yard without the feared bloodshed. I think his words went something like this: "I don't have time to explain, but I've been through hell today, so if you resist me it's only going to piss me off, so it would be best if you just cooperate with me and let me handcuff you to this lamppost." Whatever he said, it worked like a charm and Cooper, who still had no idea what was going on just said, "what the hell?... um, ok dude" *lesson: never piss off a tired drag queen/'big brother'* The rest of us came outside on cue from William and lined up with water balloons - one for each of the 22 years - along with a few extras. William insisted that I had to go first, so after getting Cooper's okay I picked up the smallest one. I didn't throw it hard enough, so it bounced off his chest and broke when it fell onto the grass, "sploosh," significantly like when a mom's water breaks when a baby is about to be born. After that, Cooper was treated 'execution style' by a water balloon from each of his friends, until the 16th year turn came up, which was my turn again. Cooper told me he was only 16 when we first met, but he was actually 18. He and Ariele told me that story so I would let him in the house, ha. William helped me throw the balloon by grabbing my hand to direct my throw, so it broke over Cooper's shoulder. When the 22nd year came up, it was William's turn - which, instead of a balloon, he used a small, round pink cake that he threw at Cooper and got a little carried away at the end with rubbing it in. Afterward he uncuffed him and presented him with a large birthday cake with his name on it that we could all eat.

The idea was to be a symbolic way of shedding 22 years of bullshit and getting a new start. I was "kinda lame" about the idea at first, as Ariele put it, because I didn't understand the significance of being handcuffed and getting things thrown at you by friends you trust - until we did it. I kept saying I didn't want to do anything that could make someone feel torn down or hurt in any way, I knew Cooper had been through hell already. William said, "What?! did you think I was a NICE person?! Did you think this was going to be a NICE birthday party?!" And he had to explain things to me so I understood the significance. It was acting out, basically. I had to re-learn, due to my own past 'bad' experiences that it's okay to get wild, play and have fun. Not that I don't have a wild side and have fun, but I realized I had been robbed of a lot of fun in life by fear, trying to stay "safe" from my past abuse by not taking any "risk" where I was not "in control" even when it was a matter of trust and fun, so it was a symbolic and freeing experience for me as well. Cooper agreed to go along with it and was totally blown away by the whole thing because it was so unexpected. Cooper didn't expect that anyone was going to do anything special or show up on his birthday. His mom didn't show up for their dinner, which wasn't supposed to happen, but she did make it by the party, and other than that, Cooper had a killer birthday.

To view the famous lamp post, see youtube video at http://www.youtube.com/user/williamawilliams

William & Cooper - 2 Geminis!

William Burroughs: Cuts You Up

My recent experiment on the cut-up method used by William Burroughs has been an interestingly creative learning experience. It's like dissecting a frog in biology, except the frog is alive in this case, the frog being a chosen text, what Burroughs refers to as a pre-recorded coded slice of the universe, to reveal its inner beating heart, the implicit true meaning within the text. It's not too far off from the artists (Nitsch, Pollock, etc.), and those who smeared dead carcasses onto their canvases in an effort not to mirror life, but to act it out, even with their own bodies, using painting as a performance. Here is a link to my project:

William Burroughs' cut-up method: Experiment

The cut-up method was also used by many music artists in their recordings and lyrics, such as David Bowie's lyrics (The Laughing Gnostic: David Bowie and the Occult) and Kurt Cobain's lyrics, guitar feedback and distortion.


David Bowie: Outside


Peter Murphy: Cuts You Up

Are you mad?

"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time." Jack Kerouac

am I mad... or just 'beat'? a "beat-ific" vision of exalted exhaustion.

notes:
experiencing the "anxiety of influence" Harold Bloom writes about, struggling to free himself from his affinity for the work of a writer he'd admired, is a sign of finding your own literary voice.

Karouac: "I don't care what anybody says, but I'm pulled out of my shoes by wild stuff like that ("crazy jazz") -- pure whiskey! Let's hear no more about jazz critics and those who wonder about bop: -- I like my whiskey wild, I like Saturday night in the shack to be crazy, I like the tenor to be woman-mad, I like things to GO and rock and be flipped, I want to be stoned if I'm going to be stoned at all, I like to be gassed by a back-alley music..."

i want to be pulled out of my shoes by wild stuff like that... I like things to GO and rock and be flipped...

"write only what kicks you, and keeps you overtime awake from sheer mad joy."

"kickwriting"

this is the start to my beat movement assignment, view link to my Karouac webpage, currently being developed: http://sites.google.com/site/jackkarouackicks/

"Goofing at the table"

Ariele and Cooper

My family - Reunion:


When friends fall out it can be brutal, especially when you have been like a family for so long. After a year and a half of keeping the two poles from collapsing in on each other, peace is finally here.

Well, peace and anarchy! (My work here is done.)

Right about now, I could use a hot tub and a corona... better bring your shades, its going to be a bright summer!